First the worse, then the better: [2 All-round First Edition 1]
John Stapleton, Kate Legge, Additional reporting: Rebecca Vonhoff. The Australian [Canberra, A.C.T] 10 Feb 2005: 1.
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Abstract
"A good marriage helps you mentally and physically. You've got to put in the hard work, but if I didn't have [Meree Greenwell], I wouldn't be here today."
Mrs Greenwell, not surprisingly, describes the first few years of her marriage as little more than a nightmare. It was only by attending a therapeutic program for the partners of alcoholics that she realised she had a right to a decent life.
Mrs Greenwell said the couple had "a wonderful marriage now, and a wonderful, happy family".
MICHAEL and Meree Greenwell have been married for 32 years, but if they had been asked two years into their marriage whether they were happy, the resounding answer would have been "No".
They were enduring the trials of parenthood, professional setbacks and Mr Greenwell's battle with alcohol.
But after sticking at their relationship -- all these years later and with a fifth grandchild on the way -- the Greenwells say they have never been happier.
While many couples might not face the same hardships, the Greenwells' experience is borne out by new research that has found couples who keep their promise to one another fare better, physically and emotionally, than those who remarry, remain single after divorce or never walk down an aisle.
The study, of 22,000 people between the ages of 51 and 60, found those who remained married had better mental, physical and emotional wellbeing.
American demographer Linda Waite told a family conference in Melbourne yesterday the research found that people who had remarried -- even those enjoying a high-quality relationship -- were not as physically healthy as couples living in a continuous state of bliss.
Professor Waite said the long-term benefits of sticking with a marriage were not being properly marketed.
Family members bring social support, extra financial contributions and other unique resources that can offset the demands for care and the potential for conflict and criticism.
At the couple's home in Sydney's Cherrybrook yesterday, Mr Greenwell said if they had not stuck together through the rough times, they wouldn't be where they are today.
"I love Meree more now than when we married," he said.
"A good marriage helps you mentally and physically. You've got to put in the hard work, but if I didn't have Meree, I wouldn't be here today."
They married in 1973 at the ages of 23 and 21, and by 1975 the Greenwells had had the first of their five children, but were going nowhere fast.
Mr Greenwell was drinking too much and had lost his licence to practise as a real estate agent. Their personal life was hell.
"I remember one morning in those early years my father-in-law pulled me out of the car where I had passed out and said I wasn't good enough to look at his daughter, much less be married to her," Mr Greenwell said.
"I had to agree. My wife used to wish I wouldn't come home, that I would just disappear. Eventually I got help."
Mrs Greenwell, not surprisingly, describes the first few years of her marriage as little more than a nightmare. It was only by attending a therapeutic program for the partners of alcoholics that she realised she had a right to a decent life.
"I couldn't change another human being, but I could change myself," she said. "By stopping propping up his conduct, he began to face his problems."
She said they were also fortunate to have children early. "Working on our own relationship was very important for these children."
Mrs Greenwell said the couple had "a wonderful marriage now, and a wonderful, happy family".
"Staying together was the best thing for my children and for us."
Gail Instance, Australian director of the pro-family lobby group Family Life International, said: "Perseverance builds character. Young people need to take heart that difficulties can be worked through."
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More reports -- Page 4
From Page 1
"If we work through the difficult times we learn to appreciate each other, and we come to know the happiness of married and family life," Ms Instance said. "We live in a throwaway society, but you can't just throw a marriage away and start again."
John and Trish Simson from the outer Brisbane suburb of Carina also subscribe to the notion that the longer a couple is together, the happier and healthier they are. The couple, both 41, married 16 years ago and found the first few years a time of compromise and adjustment as they struggled to find the right balance between work and housework, cope with early financial struggles and make time for each other.
"People have high expectations when they get engaged, but when the dust settles, you have to realise this is reality, this is it. And for us it just got better," said Mrs Simson, a part-time as an orthodontist's assistant.
Mr Simson, a carpenter, said the stability of his marriage had left him healthier and happier than he believed he would have been had he not met Trish, themother of their three children. "Emotionally, I'm in a better state. Physically, I've put on a bit of weight but I'm still better off. If I was single I'd be partying a lot harder."
Mrs Simson agreed. "When you have someone by your side, you have that support. You've got someone beside you to laugh with."
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